To My Mother
I was your rebellious son,
do you remember? Sometimes
I wonder if you do remember,
so complete has your forgiveness been.
So complete has your forgiveness been
I wonder sometimes if it did not
precede my wrong, and I erred,
safe found, within your love,
prepared ahead of me, the way home,
or my bed at night, so that almost
I should forgive you, who perhaps
foresaw the worst that I might do,
and forgave before I could act,
causing me to smile now, looking back,
to see how paltry was my worst,
compared to your forgiveness of it
already given. And this, then,
is the vision of that Heaven of which
we have heard, where those who love
each other have forgiven each other,
where, for that, the leaves are green,
the light a music in the air,
and all is unentangled,
and all is undismayed.
- Wendell Berry
Pain at The Root
Middle School music class. I sat upper middle row. The seats, hardened rubber, brown pebble coldness. I recall the cenderblock walls glazed over with white, a sublte sheen reflected from the flourecent light. Why create rooms where the sun can’t enter?
Mr. Howard stood before us, a sports coach turned music enthusiast. Polo shirt, tucked. His hair, mustache and waves a mousey brown threaded with age or perhaps, a tiredness.
Flash -
“Treble clef!”
“Whole rest!”
“Whole note!”
“Quarter note!”
The cards flipped up in rapid succession, the chorus shouting in unison.
“You know what appeals so much in hip hop music? It’s the base - it keeps your attention,” Mr. Howard explained.
I enjoyed singing, allowing a certain freedom for all of us. It connected us, that group of kids, to something pure and undistracted by the trapping of puberty and poverty and pretense.
Allies were important though, when the singing stopped. Idle hands and such -
Peach faced Lily, red hair streaming down her back. When she turned in her chair to face me, I found comfort, albiet superficial.
The boys to my back though, they felt like a dark cloud - snickering and shuffling in their seats.
Insecure. EMPOWERED.
Perhaps it was their primal urge to assert their position in the pack-
poking their pencils through the the open slats of my seat.
“Faggot,” they whispered. “I bet you like it.”
The Mother Archetype
In her work, “Chakras And Their Archetypes, Uniting Energy Awareness and Spiritual Growth,” Wauter’s defines the Mother Archetype as “representing the ability to nourish and look after the life force within us with care, sensitivity and vigilance.” As the positive aspect of the root chakra, this energy calls us to take responsibilty while remaning compassionately accountable. There are many reference to pull from to relate to this energy: our relationship to our own mother, motherhood, Gaia or Mother Earth and the myriad of goddesses recognized throughout history. Healing wounds from inadequate parenting empowers us to care for ourselves allowing the mother within us to flourish. Emboyding the Mother takes the form of precipitating needs and finding balance. The Mother’s driving motivation is unconditional care.
How Do We Heal?
The victim needs to be mothered. The Mother yearns to care.
Both require discernment - when we observe actions that embody victimhood, our hurt stems from a fear (and illusion) that we are not supported.
Practicing self care (mothering) pivots our attention inward and helps us feel secure, in our OWN ability to support. Equally, that we have the POWER to leverage our resources (which are always present.)
Wauters provides the following questions as an exercise to tap into The Empowered Mother:
1) Recall an expereince when you felt you were unable to look after yourself. For whatever reason, whether you were ill, tired or emotionally upset, you needed the help of someone else to regain your strength and stability. How did you feel about that situation? Did you feel better for someone else’s care?
2) Can you remember how you got the support you needed to recuperate? Were you patient and understaning with yourself? Did your family or friends give you the support you needed? Was it their willingness to stick by you that helped you get better? Did you know that you had to look after yourself?
3) Can you give yourself time off from the stress and strain in your life now? Do you know when you need rest and relaxation? Do you know how to protect yourself from the pressures of work or relationship which are fraught?
4) Look at the people in your life now. Do you feel you could call on them to assist you when you are in need of help? Do you feel entitled to ask for help when you need it?
5) Are you willing to take responsibility for yourself to the best of your ability? Are you willing to look after your own physical and emotional needs?
6) Can you build in the care and nurturing you need for yourself in your life now? How can you change your life to include your needs in your daily routine?
The Dark Mother
Here we see the importance of temperance and or restraint - the caring becomes overbearing. The boundary to be self suffiecient fosters dependency and suppresses the growth of the victim to become self sufficient. This is the polairty of the enegry associated with the root chakra - understanding what you need and your relationship to having your needs met. Some deeper and tangible consideration allows you to explore and find ways to balance the energy at the root.
Wauter’s asks us to examine our attitude in regards to:
Preparing your own food?
Cleaning your own home?
Looking after your belonging?
Providing for your emotional needs?
Giving yourself the rest and relaxation you need?
Asking for help?
A Tribe for Self Care
First steps in deeping your understanding are expanding your awareness. The mirco is exampled in the macro. (As above, So below) Blogs, YouTube, and Podcasts are an excellent resource to search by “keywords” to call in a tribe of support and mind expanding perceptions.
Check out The On Being Project with Krista Tippett and the PROFOUND transcripts published from her Podcast series. A wealth of inspiration and insight:
A Care Package for Uncertain Times
The On Being Project -
“The On Being Project is a nonprofit media and public life initiative. We make a public radio show, podcasts, and tools for the art of living. Six grounding virtues guide everything we do. We explore the intersection of spiritual inquiry, science, social healing, community, poetry, and the arts. We’re offering ongoing special content for this moment, including conversations about race and healing, ‘care packages’ for caregivers and uncertain times, and a starting point for the exhausted and overwhelmed.”
“You’d think that these days you couldn’t get lost. But you can.”
Finding Your Way - No Sound
A hauntingly beautiful and cerebral journey to find our way back through trust. An insightful point of view linked below. Enjoy the music video!