A Clawing Nature - Where Light Meets Shadow

Dramatic shadows meet unexpected bursts of light in "A Clawing Nature," a piece that emerged in a single day of uninhibited creation. This painting speaks to the delicate balance between struggle and illumination, between the wild and the welcoming aspects of our natural world.

The painting's technique is both aggressive and meditative. Vertical scratches catch light like markers on a forest trail, while luminescent bursts of orange and yellow pierce through layers of deep forest tones. These points of light serve multiple roles in the piece's narrative - they are at once devastating wildfires that recently scarred Los Angeles, the comforting glow of childhood campfires, and spirit-like guides through darkness.

The work's title, "A Clawing Nature," captures both the physical technique used and the emotional landscape it explores. The clawing marks suggest both struggle and emergence, like trying to find one's way through uncertain terrain where even the path ahead seems treacherous. Yet, there's a strange comfort in this chaos, reminiscent of Theodore Roethke's lines:

"In a dark time, the eye begins to see,
I meet my shadow in the deepening shade;
I hear my echo in the echoing wood—"

The painting process itself required a surrender to intuition. As the artist notes, creating abstract work demands letting go of conscious control - keeping the hand moving, allowing the painting to reveal itself rather than forcing a predetermined vision. This approach mirrors how we often find our way through challenging times: not by intellectual planning, but by feeling our way forward, guided by whatever light we can find.

References to contemporary events - from environmental concerns to social unrest - weave naturally through the work without overwhelming its more personal, contemplative qualities. Like Roethke's "natural shapes blazing unnatural light," the painting holds these contradictions in delicate balance.

"A Clawing Nature" invites viewers to find their own story within its layers of meaning. Whether you see in it the comfort of a campfire, the power of natural forces, or the struggle through difficult times, the painting offers both challenge and solace - much like nature itself.

The Sacral Svadhisthana I

“Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, 'You owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.” -Hāfiz

Photo cred and additional insight on the Sacral Chakra

Little Red Dress

By Paul Shaw

A marked occasion

for celebration?

Bleary lights seen through blinking eyes punctuate the darkness

We walk with red ribbon

to mark the trunk

and tie it off from the earth.

To fell

and festoon

a family ritual,

severed as it was.

A marked boy

in a little red dress, decorated in

self

to fail in boyhood.

What’s to become of my self?

Red ribbons on Fraser firs.

All this beautiful pageantry

only to become invisible.

A little boy in a red dress

illuminated.

Playing the Martyr

The sacral chakra is located just below the navel, ruling over our appetite and emotional nature. It’s the energy of intuition and “gut feeling.”

When we are maligned with this energy we relinquish responsibility for our well being - diverting attention to others while dissipating our own energy. Depleted and exhausted, The Martyr justifies its own struggle. It denies permission to give ourselves prosperity and projects the expectation of self-sacrifice on others. Peace trumps the Martyr’s claim to happiness, fostering feelings of anger, guilt and self righteous suffering.

The mentality of Martyrdom can endure for years, validated by societal norms that reinforce the message of selfishness being overtly negative.

Shining awareness on this wounded aspect of our nature begins by identifying the root of our sacrifice to win the love we did not feel we received early in life.

Wauters offers us sharp insight in her book, “Chakras and Their Archetypes, Uniting Energy Awareness and Spiritual Growth,” defining the Martyr’s pattern to “aid and abet its own devaluation by reinforcing patterns of behavior which negate its growth and happiness.”

Recognizing your Martyr

While the victim feels completely hopeless, the Martyr chooses ignorance over empowerment. Wauters poses thoughtful questions for us to explore:

1) Recall a situation you were aware of being a martyr. This may have occurred in your work, your personal life or with people you were close to. The criterion for this is that you experienced sacrificing yourself for someone else.

2) What are your feeling about his situation now? Can you recall what your expectations were for yourself and what you hoped sacrifice would bring to you? Were you looking for love or approval?

3) Look at the situation where you experienced being a martyr and ask yourself if you harbor resentment for not having your sacrifice recognized. What are your feeling? Be willing to be honest with yourself so that you can release your negativity about this situation and let it go.

4) Are you willing to take responsibility for this situation without falling into guilt or self-recrimination? If you can see it for what it is you may avoid falling into this pattern again.

Empowerment

Moving on from the Martyr is an act of reclaiming sovereignty over our lives. Shared below are some practical tips to break up with the sacrificial lamb and start feasting on the meal!

From 10 Steps to Help You Break the Martyrdom Habit by Pamela Garcy Ph.D:

While this article is tailored for romantic partners, the steps are easily applied to any partnership.

Give up communication escape mechanisms. These include but are not limited to: sulking, whining, leaving, blaming, speaking to everyone except your partner about your his or her misdeeds, avoiding topics that you really want to discuss, being too busy to talk, being too tired/drunk/otherwise unavailable to talk, deliberately doing something distasteful to your partner, having an adult temper tantrum, and more.
When something is wrong, think about what you want to request or what action you want to take. If you are engaging in martyr behavior, you won't think about what you can ask for or do—you'll be thinking about the story you'll tell later or what to complain about.
Take one action every day to begin to correct your problems. Is it time for couple's therapy or coaching? Speak to your partner and schedule an appointment. Plan on attending sessions for at least three months so that real change can be established, unless otherwise indicated by your therapist.
Find one thing you'd miss about your partner. Then, express appreciation to your partner about this. Do this at least once daily.
When possible, increase relationship mending behaviors. Give your partner a hug, hold hands, help out, or say something kind. Do this at least once daily as well.
Improve and practice healthy communication habits. Healthy communication in a relationship includes: owning your reactions using "I" statements about specific behaviors, such as, "I feel lonely when we don't go out at least once a week." Relationship martyrs sometimes use unhealthy communication (if they communicate with their partners at all). Unhealthy communication often includes "You" statements, labeling, and overgeneralizations, such as, "You are a jerk and you never give me the time of day."
Create a quality time together weekly. Go out for coffee, schedule a date night, or join each other for lunch mid-week.
When you're angry, identify how you are "shoulding" on your partner. "Shoulds" often represent demands that you are placing on another person, and demands frequently leads to anger. Instead, work to realize that your partner can do whatever he or she wants to do, whether or not you/others agree with it. Accepting your partner doesn't mean that you agree with his or her behavior, or that you resign yourself to being on the receiving end of it. It does mean that you realize that you cannot control your partner. You have a choice about whether or not to anger yourself over his or her behavior, and whether or not to behave as a martyr. Instead of "shoulding," move into strongly preferring that he or she do things differently, strongly requesting what you want directly or taking actions to solve problems, persisting in your strong preference and strong requests, getting help, and/or leaving the relationship.
Keep a four-column, control-restoration log. This will help you to start to identify and reclaim your power. Refrain from taking a bath in your anger during this exercise, because you will be tempted to step into "shoulding" on your partner. Whether or not the world would rate your partner's behavior as unacceptable, your goal is to move out of martyrdom, so stick with the exercise as it is written:
- In the first column, write your partner's offense.
- In the second, write your understanding of the real or underlying problem.
- In the third, write what you did to contribute to your partner ultimately behaving as he or she did.
- In the fourth, write what you could do to solve the problem.
For example, in the first column, you might write, "My partner said something rude to my friend." In the second, "My friend wasn't leaving our house after dinner." In the third, "I failed to set an ending time and didn't speak up to my friend when I saw that it was getting late for us." And in the fourth, "I can ask my partner to approach me to talk to my friend, rather than saying rude things to my friend. I can also make sure to put an end time on any socializing we arrange."
Answer this question: How long have your problems with your partner been going on? Whatever the answer, realize that if this is a chronic problem, solving it may take an equal or greater dose of chronic persistence. Keep working at it, and push yourself in order to break the martyrdom style.

Learn more on recognizing and moving away from Martyrdom click here

Interlude i

The Peace of Wild Things

- Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Listen to The Peace of Wild Things read by the author

Places in between

Have you ever considered the resiliency of roadside plants? Particles insults their veins as their branches pull and bend in the artificial wind of passing machines, fueled by their ancestors. Is it bitter irony or natural progression?

“Everyone is in a hurry to be where they are not,” they share when I let my hand brush against their bodies trailing the fence line.

There is something sacred in these liminal spaces. Lessons on fortitude and patience and unconditional giving.

Take time to pause and listen more. The world is talking, but do we actually hear it?

Inspired by the topic, I found myself sharing the sentiment of Gordon Hempton, an acoustic ecologist, who poetically describes his walk through the Hoh rainforest in Washington State:

“OK. So I get out of my car, all right? We’ll still hear the pinging of its engine. We’ll hear other cars and other visitors, and we’ll hear the “beep-beep” of our modern world as people are locking their cars and the rustling of our artificial fabrics against our bodies. Some people will be chattering away on cell phones. But then the sound of my backpack goes over my shoulders, and we head off down the trail. And no more than 100 yards along these tall, tree-lined, ferned path with moss drapes that add sound-deadening to the experience, we’ll hear the call-off twitter of a winter wren, this very high-pitched twittering sound that might be coming from 100 feet away.”

Hempton elaborates later by describing:

“Up close, it’s actually quite a guttural, adrenaline-filled assertion of what it means to be male and wild. But when you hear this experience from a couple of miles away, isn’t that amazing? When you’re in a quiet place, your listening horizon extends for miles in every direction. When you hear an elk call from miles away, it turns into a magic flute as the result of traveling through this place that has the same acoustics as a cathedral.”

There is great import in connecting to these places which anchor our bodies to the primordial Mother, the roots of our existence. For more on the interview click here.

Walking

How many time have I walked these woods? Enough to see the story change.

Webs and roots, a familiar tread.

I had forgotten myself. I knew,

but I couldn’t breath.

A venom had crept in, paralyzing

sour perception.

It took time to soften

like some hard stone, patiently

chiseled away, each groove

a laugh

a gesture

an entreating to take a new form.

Neith - extending a lifeline.

“Don’t get caught in your own web darling,” she whispered.

So, I walked

dislodging the sediment

skimming the murky surface of shame and guilt

made gratefully able to bask in the downpour, cleansing

a burst of unbridled renewal.

-Paul Shaw

“ When we listen to a place on planet Earth, we very quickly realize that Earth is a solar-powered jukebox.”

— Gordon Hempton

Musical accompaniment for the contemplation of the Root Chakra. Stabat Mater refers to a Latin hymn on the suffering of the Virgin Mary at the Crucifixion.

How does the mother heal the victim?

The Root Muladhara Part II

To My Mother

I was your rebellious son,
do you remember? Sometimes
I wonder if you do remember,
so complete has your forgiveness been.

So complete has your forgiveness been
I wonder sometimes if it did not
precede my wrong, and I erred,
safe found, within your love,

prepared ahead of me, the way home,
or my bed at night, so that almost
I should forgive you, who perhaps
foresaw the worst that I might do,

and forgave before I could act,
causing me to smile now, looking back,
to see how paltry was my worst,
compared to your forgiveness of it

already given. And this, then,
is the vision of that Heaven of which
we have heard, where those who love
each other have forgiven each other,

where, for that, the leaves are green,
the light a music in the air,
and all is unentangled,
and all is undismayed.

- Wendell Berry

Pain at The Root

Middle School music class. I sat upper middle row. The seats, hardened rubber, brown pebble coldness. I recall the cenderblock walls glazed over with white, a sublte sheen reflected from the flourecent light. Why create rooms where the sun can’t enter?

Mr. Howard stood before us, a sports coach turned music enthusiast. Polo shirt, tucked. His hair, mustache and waves a mousey brown threaded with age or perhaps, a tiredness.

Flash -

“Treble clef!”

“Whole rest!”

“Whole note!”

“Quarter note!”

The cards flipped up in rapid succession, the chorus shouting in unison.

“You know what appeals so much in hip hop music? It’s the base - it keeps your attention,” Mr. Howard explained.

I enjoyed singing, allowing a certain freedom for all of us. It connected us, that group of kids, to something pure and undistracted by the trapping of puberty and poverty and pretense.

Allies were important though, when the singing stopped. Idle hands and such -

Peach faced Lily, red hair streaming down her back. When she turned in her chair to face me, I found comfort, albiet superficial.

The boys to my back though, they felt like a dark cloud - snickering and shuffling in their seats.

Insecure. EMPOWERED.

Perhaps it was their primal urge to assert their position in the pack-

poking their pencils through the the open slats of my seat.

“Faggot,” they whispered. “I bet you like it.”

Check out this video on all the things mushrooms can do!

The Mother Archetype

In her work, “Chakras And Their Archetypes, Uniting Energy Awareness and Spiritual Growth,” Wauter’s defines the Mother Archetype as “representing the ability to nourish and look after the life force within us with care, sensitivity and vigilance.” As the positive aspect of the root chakra, this energy calls us to take responsibilty while remaning compassionately accountable. There are many reference to pull from to relate to this energy: our relationship to our own mother, motherhood, Gaia or Mother Earth and the myriad of goddesses recognized throughout history. Healing wounds from inadequate parenting empowers us to care for ourselves allowing the mother within us to flourish. Emboyding the Mother takes the form of precipitating needs and finding balance. The Mother’s driving motivation is unconditional care.

How Do We Heal?

The victim needs to be mothered. The Mother yearns to care.

Both require discernment - when we observe actions that embody victimhood, our hurt stems from a fear (and illusion) that we are not supported.

Practicing self care (mothering) pivots our attention inward and helps us feel secure, in our OWN ability to support. Equally, that we have the POWER to leverage our resources (which are always present.)

Wauters provides the following questions as an exercise to tap into The Empowered Mother:

1) Recall an expereince when you felt you were unable to look after yourself. For whatever reason, whether you were ill, tired or emotionally upset, you needed the help of someone else to regain your strength and stability. How did you feel about that situation? Did you feel better for someone else’s care?

2) Can you remember how you got the support you needed to recuperate? Were you patient and understaning with yourself? Did your family or friends give you the support you needed? Was it their willingness to stick by you that helped you get better? Did you know that you had to look after yourself?

3) Can you give yourself time off from the stress and strain in your life now? Do you know when you need rest and relaxation? Do you know how to protect yourself from the pressures of work or relationship which are fraught?

4) Look at the people in your life now. Do you feel you could call on them to assist you when you are in need of help? Do you feel entitled to ask for help when you need it?

5) Are you willing to take responsibility for yourself to the best of your ability? Are you willing to look after your own physical and emotional needs?

6) Can you build in the care and nurturing you need for yourself in your life now? How can you change your life to include your needs in your daily routine?

The Dark Mother

Here we see the importance of temperance and or restraint - the caring becomes overbearing. The boundary to be self suffiecient fosters dependency and suppresses the growth of the victim to become self sufficient. This is the polairty of the enegry associated with the root chakra - understanding what you need and your relationship to having your needs met. Some deeper and tangible consideration allows you to explore and find ways to balance the energy at the root.

Wauter’s asks us to examine our attitude in regards to:

Preparing your own food?

Cleaning your own home?

Looking after your belonging?

Providing for your emotional needs?

Giving yourself the rest and relaxation you need?

Asking for help?

A Tribe for Self Care

First steps in deeping your understanding are expanding your awareness. The mirco is exampled in the macro. (As above, So below) Blogs, YouTube, and Podcasts are an excellent resource to search by “keywords” to call in a tribe of support and mind expanding perceptions.

Check out The On Being Project with Krista Tippett and the PROFOUND transcripts published from her Podcast series. A wealth of inspiration and insight:

A Care Package for Uncertain Times

The On Being Project -

“The On Being Project is a nonprofit media and public life initiative. We make a public radio show, podcasts, and tools for the art of living. Six grounding virtues guide everything we do. We explore the intersection of spiritual inquiry, science, social healing, community, poetry, and the arts. We’re offering ongoing special content for this moment, including conversations about race and healing, ‘care packages’ for caregivers and uncertain times, and a starting point for the exhausted and overwhelmed.”

“You’d think that these days you couldn’t get lost. But you can.”

— Sigur Rós - Ekki múkk

Finding Your Way - No Sound

A hauntingly beautiful and cerebral journey to find our way back through trust. An insightful point of view linked below. Enjoy the music video!

Thinking About Being Lost – Ekki Múkk and Existential Crisis

The Root Muladhara Part I

There she was, technicolor.

Frozen in place by my mindless footfall.

Chartreuse swirl with raspberry lashing

tongue.

“Dont mind me, I’m minding myself” -

I suppose her doubt was the lesson

before she slithered away to be unseen.

Both victims to different outcomes.

-Paul Shaw

Food strategies for balancing the Root Chakra

Memories from the Root -

Driving downward, compelled by the need to enrich, nourish - the trunk, spine. Lay upon your chest the mantle of our ancestors born of hide and wool and silkworm - the fruits of the greater mother of whoms bones were knit from the stars. We are pinpoints of awareness, fractals repeating. One awesome, infinite heartbeat.

Why do we feel so disconnected?

Perhaps we have forgotten our place in the cosmos? Maybe it’s the illusion of fear and scarcity of basic needs like water, food, shelter and safety which lead us to victimhood and division. Ambika Wauters shares in her work Chakras and their Archetypes, Uniting Energy Awareness and Spiritual Growth, “Life is always a perfect mirror for the attitudes we embrace.” She artfully weaves the Jungian view on achetypes with the ancient Hindu chakra system to workshop the 7 energy points in the human body.

The Root Chakra is located at the base of the spine or tailbone. Wauters articulates the function of the root chakra to filter “energy up from the earth” connecting our higher energies to the basic reality of life. She goes on to say, “The emotional issues relating to this chakra revolve around the essentials we need for survivial and our sense of security in the world.” The block at this level is getting aquantied with your inner victim or your self at the mercy to external forces which work against it.

Wauters provides the following questions as an exercise to tap into your emotional victimhood:

1) Recall an experience in your life where you felt like a victim. This would be a time when something happened to you which was out of your control and left you feeling unsure of yourself.

2) What are your feeling about this situation now? Are you angry, enraged, sad, grieving? Are you willing to tell yourself more about how you feel regarding this situation? Be willing to take the lid off your feeling and expereince them as they are.

3) Look at other people and situations in your life that have made you feel as though you were a victim. In your mind’s eye withdraw the energy you have invested in them and take your power back into yourself. The way you do that is to say: “What I feel about…is…and I freely chose to release myself from these negative feelings.”

4) As you take responsibility for the people and situations in your life think about what your projection are. For example, you may say that someone didn’t love you enough or respect you enough. To own your projection is becomes necessary to say that there was a part of you that didn’t love yourself enough or respect yourself enough.

What is your attidute towards:

Happiness?
Respect?
Health? (including self image)
Love?
Money?
Friendship?
Success?

Is there negativity that surfaces around these themes? Everyone deserves to be supported in these areas of life. We are entitled to a stable foundation. Work to reframe your attitude towards fulfillment.

Click here for Deepak Chopra Chakra Balancing Meditation

“We have to be very careful with our perceptions, otherwise we will suffer”

— Thich Nhat Hanh "anger"

Grounding

Embodying the victim can immobolize you (avoiding) and also push you into hyperactivity (reacting). This creates tension in your body. Grounding engages you with your body and connects you to the earth. Dance, swim, run, walk, practice yoga or stretch, garden, go barefoot - physical activity opens what victimhood restricts.

Check out the #earthingmovie

Finally, seek to empower yourself through intentional self talk. Whether this takes the form of a mantra, journal entry, or quote that starts your day, the goal is to change the pattern of how you speak to yourself. Be concise in order to recognize and release the victim archetype:

I am never alone. There is always support at my disposal.

I am capable and resilient because I have learned from my own experience.

Depending on myself is enough.

My feelings are valid.

I do not owe for my past mistakes.

I am enough.

Bringing awareness to your perceived powerlessness will be fortified by the Victim’s polar opposite, The Mother. The Root Muladhara Part II

In gratitude,

Paul

What's in a box of Crayons?

The smell of childhood

When was the last time you cracked open a box of fresh crayons?

Maybe you piled them into a shopping cart to check off the supply list for back to school.

Perhaps you cleaned up the stumps and remnants from the kitchen table after the “marker box” was dumped out.

Did you catch a whiff of the wax? Maybe the torn, woody paper?

There is something magical sealed inside. It can transport you straight back to your childhood.

When I first started working alongside my friend Kelly, I took note of the box of crayons proudly displayed on the top shelf of her desk.

I was curious, what compels someone to keep crayons in arm’s length – and in the workplace?

Kelly was all too happy to explain, “sharing my love of crayons is one of my favorite things to do!”

“Open the box,” she said. I looked around, as one does and obliged. “Now take a deep breath in!”

Sense memory – Peeling back the paper and shaving small wax chips onto the surface of paper. I was transported to high school; I was creating a wax painting – a fall scene, if I remember correctly. The shavings built up and blended with each melting pass in the microwave.

…Or that summer slumber party with my aunt when I was 6 or 7 years old – Pizza and coke and Disney coloring books – thumbing through scenes of the Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty, settling on Princess Jasmine from Aladdin!

Faintly and most precious, the ways in which my mother influenced my technique – soft circular motion, building up texture and allowing color to blend until shiny, buffed. “Try to stay in the lines,” she would say softly.

In a flash, a thoughtful flood of memory – warm, familiar and comforting.

Kelly patiently indulged me, “I keep a box a box of these lovelies at my desk in the event things get a little stressful – I put my nose in the box and AHHHHHH, an all is right with the world moment.”

Crayons represent a time with less distraction – steadfast, quiet, soft, loud, bold and always ready to play.

Crack open your box and let us know where it takes you!